Keep On, Mama

She passes by you in the grocery store, just as the small people in your family begin to rebel. One is ready to run off and the other begins screaming. You manage to keep your cool, redirect their energy, and avert a crisis. This meets her criteria for good behavior and she looks at you approvingly and says, “You’re doing a good job, Mom.”

At first, the complement feels good.You are super mom. Your children are behaving. Grandmothers unite to support you. But then you think about the many other times when your trip didn’t meet her criteria of “good” and it feels like a backhanded complement.

I visited a mega mart with my toddler today, excited for a leisurely mom and me trip. He started things out by rushing the parking lot as I was grabbing a cart. I would have let him walk beside me, but once he made a dangerous choice, walking was no longer an option. And he was furious. So, he screamed and he screamed and he screamed.

I’d determined what I would do – walk calmly, talk gently, but firmly – act more than talk. I couldn’t allow him to learn the natural consequences of walking toward cars, but I could let him know that this meant he could not walk any longer. We were in a relatively empty, large store, so I decided to continue my shopping while he figured things out. He eventually calmed down without bribing, lecturing (much), or shaming, and we enjoyed shopping together. This felt like parenting success to me, but no passerby said, “You’re doing a good job, mama. Keep on.”

Sometimes it’s challenging to ignore those judgmental stares or press on for the short term when your long term parenting goals seem so far away. Sometimes its difficult to remain calm and continue on when others expect you manage your children differently. Sometimes it’s discouraging when it feels like your child will never leave a stage of rebellion, disobedience, or misbehavior. Sometimes living your own definition of a “good mom” is lonely.

So, today, to the mom of a toddler screaming through the store aisles; to
the mom of a teenager openly rebelling; to the mom of a special needs child
who is learning a new skill; to the mom of a child overcoming abuse; to the mom of a
preteen pushing boundaries; to the mom helping her children through a divorce;
to the mom of a teething baby; and to so many more moms, I say:

You’re doing a good job. Keep on, mama. 

* If you’re that mama forging her own parenting path, Keep on, mama.

* If your ways of teaching your children personal responsibility, self-reliance, and respect don’t fit the traditional mold, Keep, on mama.

* If you have the courage to parent in a way that feels authentic to you, Keep on mama.

* If you’re just trying to make it through today, Keep on, mama.

* If you yelled more than you wanted to today, try again tomorrow. Keep on, mama.

* If you’re still trying to figure out how to be the best parent you can, we all are. Keep on mama.

* If it feels like this moment won’t pass, it will. Keep on, mama.

* If it feels sometimes like you’re best isn’t good enough, it is. Keep on, mama.

* If you have many family goals, but are working on one at time, Keep on mama.

* If your kids don’t behave in exactly the way you’d like, but they’re working on it, Keep on mama.

* If the victories are small, but significant, Keep on mama.

You’re doing a good job. Keep on, mama.